hesitation

she sat on the ledge, looking down
"that's really not a long fall,"
she said with no sound
but still she sat in fear bound
on top of the ledge, trying to stall

"i will help you, i will."
"i will help you, too."
the voices came with courage to instill
reminding her of the prophecy she'd fulfill
so her determination grew and grew

but seconds turned into minutes and minutes into hours
until she finally decided to climb down the ladder
she swam out to the voices devoid of power
a little too much like a crumpled up flower
and explained to the extent she couldn't be sadder

"well, now we have to; come on let's go"
and back up onto the ledge they climbed
as if there was any option to just say no
but it was an experience the other wanted her to know
and they took off for the jump in time

she did not mean to stop
and make the other hesitate
but she couldn't do the drop
so she was left up at the top
the other's projection inadequate

and then the scream of a child
the mass chaos of bruise and blood
the next bit of time seemed rather wild
though everything seemed to reconcile
but that did not prevent the flood

"if only you hadn't hesitated"
is all it really took
the injuries that were related 
and the feeling of the fault is was what she really hated
until that night inside of her everything shook

followed was the declaration that it wasn't her
expect it was because she repeated
but this time a bigger pot was stirred
how could she know exactly what would occur?
a mistake and hesitation that got really overheated

so now the lesson is finally learned
when you hesitate people get hurt 
and sometimes even you will get burned
but from all of this she suddenly turned
and all her courage she does now exert.

waiting is expensive

last night he wanted to say goodbye,
but not for the first time.
why stay where moments are to buy
when waiting is expensive and stealing is a crime?

but she sat a little more than an hour away
tucked in a corner, not sure what to say
or how to deal with all that was coming her way

professionally discussing all the issues
analyzing every possible bruise 
but wondering why not take the easier brews 

there was a man or two in the past
she held them down, but they came up fast
and here she was now looking for something to last

one too present; the other nowhere to be found
one where she cried out but couldn't make a sound
the other hiding within his own issues bound

and then the woman cleaning up the mess of the first
thinking through her own adolescent curse
hoping this was the end of the worst of the worst

and what about the woman of the second?
she sat alone in her world so blackened  
speaking words that should not have happened

but no one saw her struggle past the age of eight
even when it came again when she was ready to date
leading to the ten years he made her wait

yet in the meantime she tempted fate
and he tried with her to mate
but it only left her with more self hate

and then the two years
with the problems of all of her peers
with the need to face all of her fears

with the demons through the eyes peered
with the best friend of lines smeared
with the balloon in skies cleared

with the nights of nonstop gears
with the divorce drawing near
with the sudden sound of the thousands' cheers

sitting in a whale during probation
something that seems unfixable with any level of desperation 
a ripple of hurt caused by hesitation

and now suddenly she's there
in the place she never would have dared
living off of nothing but prayer

but only at the seeming betrayal of a friend
a relationship that might quickly be coming to an end
creating another wound that might never mend

and is there no apology?
there's such a difference in theology
she knows it's not as logical as geology 

but what about the blurred lines?
but what about the willing signs?
but what about the boy killing time?

and is there a light in the ville?
a force that makes everything still?
come of it what will

so she sits a little less than a half hour away
tucked in a corner, not sure what to say
or how to deal with all that has come her way

because last night she wanted to say goodbye,
at least for a little bit of time.
why stay where there are no moments to buy
when waiting is expensive and stealing is a crime?