you were there
until one day you weren't
i used to sit in the backseat of your car
in my car seat
my biggest concern in the world was juice
because you were there
and if you were there
i was secure
and that's how it was
monopoly on new year's
no matter what distance was between us
you were just a phone call away
you were a light shining past the elephant
you made everything funny
you taught me to run barefoot
you taught me to follow my crazy dreams
but i remember the day your name changed in my phone
i remember the nights it was hard to breathe
when i asked myself why i was calling you
but who else was i supposed to call
when you were the one who steadied my breathing before
i guess two decades was too long
and i can still hear your words
the quiet early morning words
that broke the part of my heart i thought i had hardened
but it was all in the name of two little ones who took my place
i guess expanding the space wasn't an option
it hurts
but i won't fight you
you were there
until one day you weren't
you were there
until one day you weren't
i used to look up at you climbing trees
from the ground it looked like fun
the stars twinkled overhead the night i told you
my biggest concern was getting through the year
but it didn't matter
because you were there
you always knew what to say
face to face and in word
no matter what distance was between us
we used to talk everyday
you were my hope in a world of dismay
you let me face it
you made everything light
you taught me to trust something new
but i remember the day your name changed in my phone
i remember trying to understand what was going on inside
when i asked myself if i really felt it
but why was it bad to feel it
when you were the only one who made sense
i guess a decade was too long
and i can still hear your silence
it is deafening
its violence squeezing and suffocating my heart
but it was in the name of finding your one
i guess it is best i find a new daydream
it hurts
but i won't fight youyou were there
until one day you weren't
you were there
until one day you weren't
we used to sit on the floor
and play with toys
we used to hide in the doghouse
we used to climb the weeping willow
we used to make those awful videos
you stuck up for me when i couldn't find the words
and i was there when your world was shattered
we did everything together
no matter what distance was between us
we were hundreds of miles apart most of the time
yet we were inseparable
you were my constant in my world of chaos
you made me realize i was capable of more
you taught me friendship
but i remember the day your name changed in my phone
i remember the confusion of the circumstances
when i asked myself why i was still investing in this
but why shouldn't i invest
when you were the main source of investment for my whole life
i guess two decades is too long
and i can still hear your words
the repetitive text words
that broke the last pieces of heart i had left
but it was all in the name of the life you thought you wanted
i guess it was just easier to lie all along
it hurts
but i won't fight you
you were there
until one day you weren't
