loophole

it's those moments on those wet, cold and rainy nights
when you step into the darkness, out of the reach of the street lights.
i sat in silence, with my mind in wonder up on that shed
thinking through all of the years and the things that were never said.
i'm sure my bare feet were freezing, but i didn't know
my spirit had probably reached one of those moments of all time lows.
i looked out over the field, so damp and desolate
and for some reason it pulled me in like a fish to bait.
i jumped down and sunk my toes into the ground
and i crossed the barren field without making a sound.
my sights were set on the unlit stadium light on the opposite side
and my longing to get there got stronger with every single stride.
but while i was consumed in my tunnel vision,
i hit the outfield fence in one grand collision.
i blinked a couple times in frustration
and tried to take another step forward in desperation.
but that fence was still there,
holding me back like it would in a nightmare.
i turned around, looking at the progress i had made
and i watched the reality of the situation fade.
"untouchable, like the distant diamond sky"
and my breath came out as a sigh.
to be so close, yet so far away
with but a lousy fence keeping me at bay.
i pulled my phone out to make a call
because that fence was obviously not going to randomly fall.
i started to walk away in capitulation
and for a moment there was no consolation.
but a few steps later something made me turn around
and as i looked again, my loophole had been found.
across my lips danced a slight grin,
an open gate stood a couple steps from where i had been.
"amazing," was all i could manage to say
and as my mind fully understood, my feet were on their way.
i crossed through the gate into the unknown,
just as the other person answered their phone.
but all my attention was focused on that stadium light
and i walked right up to it without a fence giving me a fight.
i realized that the obstacles were what i needed to overcome
the time has already passed, now the moving of the "fence" needs to be done.
i just need to step back and look at the scene at its whole
instead of the tunnel vision that has been guiding my stroll.
it won't be today, and probably not next,
but i will take whatever solution that is to come unvexed.

how He loves

It's the worst feeling in the world when you realize there is absolutely nobody left to walk out of your life.
The tears stream down your face,
and your heart breaks over and over and over to the point that you could not breath, even if you had the energy to try.
All you can do is curl up in the smallest ball your body can possibly make and let it all out until you are left with no more tears to release and it just comes out as giant gasps of air.
You feel as if there is nothing you can do and the hopelessness sets in.
There is nobody who can save you,
there is nobody who would want to save you.
Then, out of nowhere, a still, small voice in the back of your head starts singing,
He is jealous for me,
loves like a hurricane,
I am a tree,
bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflications eclipsed by glory,
and realize just how beautiful you are,
and how great your affections are for me.
The world stops,
and you take a clear deep breath,
one that feels like the first one you took after being trapped in your mother's womb for nine months.
A slow smile begins to warm your face
and all you can do is whisper to yourself,
Oh, how He loves us,
oh,
oh, how He loves us,
how he loves us all
You feel His arms wrap around you and the sun in your world begins to shine once again.
There is nothing in this world that our God cannot handle,
and there is nothing in this world that our God cannot see.
He loves us so much that no matter what we have done or what other people have done to us,
he could never, ever love us less.
He knows our hearts better that we could ever hope to.
He knows exactly how many hairs we have on our heads.
And He cares for even the smallest bird that falls out of the sky.
yeah He loves us,
oh how He loves us,
oh how He loves us,
oh how He loves

with grace and mercy

broken chains

and little scars

you inflict the pain

it's who you are

i won't get mad

i'll hold my tongue

just know it's sad

these things you've done

your sly remarks

and tainted intentions

have allowed me to embark

on a new journey of suspicions

words can be used as a blade

and i could easily fight back

but my decision has been made

i will keep my integrity intact